This is a little quicky conversation with my friend and client Emily about her lasting experience of doing hypnosis work with me before visiting her family for Thanksgiving. I am sharing this with you because I believe small changes have big ripple effects and if you're feeling stuck around this time of year I created a holiday hypnocoaching opportunity for the month of December just for you!
Book a magic mini-change session today and let's start the shift into feeling better now.
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[00:00:00] Hi everyone. This is Deb and I just wanted to hop on here and share with you a conversation that I had with my friend and client, Emily. Who, um, did some hypnosis work last year before Thanksgiving, around her anxiety about going and having a meal with her parents. And I just wanted to share this as an example of what, just one session of hypnosis or change work can give you in your life.
[00:00:34] Is there something in your life that would feel better if you could just kind of get around this one thing. So I know the holidays are coming up. And holidays can be triggering for lots of people spending time with your family, dealing with economic stress, dealing with just, you know, thinking about how did I do this year and what's happening next year.
[00:00:59] Any one of those things, those cognitive and emotional loads that we carry with us can really add up, so if we want to kind of get underneath and over and around some of these stuck places. Hypnosis is really fantastic for that.
[00:01:20] I hope you enjoy our conversation and letting you know that I have a December offer of hypnosis. You can buy one session, you can buy multiple sessions. They're all a hundred dollars each. In 45 minutes we can actually create some really sustainable transformation. So thanks for listening and i appreciate you.
[00:01:44] Deb: All right. Hello, Emily. Hi. Hi. And thank you for, like, agreeing to chat with me and share this with other people. Um, I guess one of the things we always have so much to talk about, but what we're going to talk about here is just the effects of some hypnosis work that we did around visiting your family last year for Thanksgiving.
[00:02:10] And Uh, you had told me that it was very helpful and I just kind of want to share like what that experience was for you and how it, how it helped you in your visit. I'm just going to turn it over to you. You can jump in.
[00:02:24] Emily: Okay I think, like, most people, like, my, my relationship with my family has evolved a lot over time and, um, I have a lot of.
[00:02:37] For lack of a better word baggage and preconceived notions about what I think a family dinner with them is going to be like, and so, like, I. Like in particular, like I, I have trouble eating comfortably in front of my parents and I, and I only visit them on Thanksgiving. And so it's kind of like a recipe for wackiness.
[00:03:06] It's like a
[00:03:09] Deb: double bind because
[00:03:12] Emily: it's the only holiday that they celebrate and it happens to be an eating holiday. And um, you know, I just really have a hard time comfortably consuming nutrition in front of them. So I have a lot of, like, I experienced my feelings very physically and always have. And so like, it's difficult to go into an eating holiday sort of psychological psychologically for me anyway, but it's, it becomes exponentially harder when my body absolutely clenches up like in, in preparation for whatever the meal is going to be so, um, like I was feeling lots of in like stomach tightness, muscle tightness, I've had like jaw spasms before I've had like nausea. Um, there's like a lot of different ways that this, like my body just tells me in like 50 physical ways, like no, no food is coming into us today.
[00:04:21] And I'm like, yeah, but it's Thanksgiving. And I was sitting around with these people at this table and it will be weird if I don't put food into the face hole. So, um, I, it, it. Is like a persistent problem. And there was, we talked about it. Um, and I didn't really know. If there was something that could be helpful, but there, there really was like a lot of relief that I got where I was able to, um, talk to you, experience like some mind, body soothing, connected feelings that like released the vice grip that my feelings seem to have on the tube that runs from my face to my butt, like,
[00:05:16] Deb: I love how you describe that.
[00:05:18] Emily: Somehow the vice grip was able to release and I was able to meet my parents who are not the parents that I had when I was little. They are not even the parents that I had as a teenager or a young adult because I'm old as dirt right now.
[00:05:33] And they're different and I'm different. And I was able to show up at the table for the meal and meet them where they were. As I am today, like get to know them better as they are today and have like the closest thing I've had to a normal meal with like in a really super long time.
[00:05:56] Deb: Amazing. Thank you.
[00:05:59] What was it that, um, I mean, this was last year, so you may or may not remember exactly. Um, but was there something in particular in the work that we did that helped you create that shift?
[00:06:14] Emily: There was you know, that I, I feel like there's a tendency with me to be like, stop thinking that, like, stop thinking that way and your body will relax. Like you're doing life wrong. Like stop thinking like that, but you can't really tell your brain to stop thinking. Yeah. Um, but it, it, it was a shift in attention just more towards my body and like towards my breathing and towards.
[00:06:44] Um, you know, um, relax, relaxing in a way that wasn't that didn't feel super goal oriented, but then ended up like doing the job anyway, but just sort of breathing and feeling nice in my meat bag for its own sake. Um, yeah, it's somehow was able to set like the, the exercises that we did were able to separate the thoughts from the physical sensations enough to like get a little bit more of a, like, in a way that allowed me to be more present.
[00:07:28] And to not like freak out pre, like in preparation for something that hadn't actually happened.
[00:07:34] Deb: Oh, I love that. I love how you describe that. Cause it's, there's like a whole subconscious process that's happening inside of you. That's like based on experiences you've had in the past and how your nervous system and your body and your kind of like, you know, self is taking good care of you, even though it kind of maybe feels terrible, right?
[00:07:58] Which is that kind of clenching, tightening, holding, like, not feeling able to, like, relax and be yourself and we were really able to kind of acknowledge, like what I'm remembering is we were able to acknowledge all of that in a positive way. And like, they thank that part of you for what it was doing and also let that go. Like, let those habituated patterns.
[00:08:22] And there's certain like, you know, things that we're doing hypnotically that would like, we're kind of interrupting those patterns. So we're both doing it like talking, but we are also doing it kind of like hypnotically and in your brain. Uh, That kind of messes up those old patterns so that you can then create new patterns of for your desired outcome, right?
[00:08:49] Which was you wanted to be able to sit and enjoy a meal with your parents for Thanksgiving, like today. And it, you know, and like, it's not a magic wand necessarily that it's going to be like, it can't make the past be different, but it makes your relationship with what's happened in the past to be different.
[00:09:10] That was kind of what I'm hearing you say, and that now you've actually have evidence and experience of having a relatively enjoyable meal with your family for Thanksgiving. Which is really neat because I, I think that you didn't believe that was possible for you. Yeah. Cool. What, what has that experience, like, has that rippled out into anything else in terms of like, um, your mind body experience or spending time with your family or I'm
[00:09:49] curious.
[00:09:49] Emily: Yeah. I mean, I feel like the whole year since then, like I, I really notice. And I feel like noticing is, is, um, really the key to not just being like hijacked by my fears or preconceptions and not just living inside them. Like noticing them is sort of like watching them march across like, like clouds across the sky of my mind.
[00:10:14] I can be like, Oh, there they are. But like, I, I know that, um, when I have a preconceived notion about how an interaction is going to go, like I can become so hijacked by that, that I'm not actually present in the, in the circumstance that I'm experiencing and only like looking back, I can be like, oh, well, there actually wasn't anything too objectionable that happened in that interaction, but I was so like wrapped up in the old scripts.
[00:10:46] That of things that I tell myself, well, you know, there's a lot of ways that I think my brain tries to protect me by being like, Oh no, here comes something that's going to be really, really uncomfortable and it's going to be okay. But like, Oh, watch out for it. And like, there's a lot like the Oh, watch out for it.
[00:11:07] Um, constant yammering in my brain can totally take me out of like a lived experience. And so, um, being able to watch that, like, nervous Nelly cloud float by instead of being totally engulfed by it gives me a chance to actually live my life in real time and in a way where I can look back and see And remember what actually happened instead of just remembering the anxiety that I felt surrounding what I thought might happen.
[00:11:39] Deb: Yeah. And just really able to kind of notice and make that differentiation between like, That panic and that, that nervous system hijack is a thing that is kind of happening inside of you. And it's not necessarily coming from the experience, right? That you're like, even, even the experience that you haven't yet had.
[00:12:01] Right. Right. And so I love that. It's kind of like we're traveling in time and we're, we're taking now this like kind of, you know, like there's Emily of the past, who's like, Yeah, we have like, that's what's so amazing about our mind and our body is like, we have all these kind of strategies for helping us stay safe.
[00:12:25] But then when they kind of like run themselves, you know, if it's running on, if you stay safe by panicking and like not being present, you're just going to get more of that. Right. And so what we're really able to do is like build on your strengths, you know, and like your incredible sense of humor and you're like, deep love for yourself and your enjoyment of connection, you know, and actually giving you kind of more of what you want, which is this enjoyable, pleasurable connection with other people.
[00:13:02] Cause I mean, what I know about you is like, that's something that's so important to you. So I feel like we were able to create that experience and now you get to know that that is more of your true you. Yeah. Part of you, that's like worried and, and kind of pre panicking, you're able to observe it and kind of say like, thank you, but also like, I'm really okay.
[00:13:34] Emily: Yeah. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt. I like what you said about like, what's important to me about being me or like being able to be the real me as opposed to being hijacked is that there's something about being really, really worried that. That's very self obsessed and sort of like, unintentionally very selfish to be like, really like hijacked by worry.
[00:14:04] And the reason that I go like, Thanksgiving is the only holiday that my parents celebrate. And so like, that's the reason that that's the time that I go home as opposed to another one. I want it to feel special for them and not just like any other day. Um, and so I, when the preconceived notions about how terrible I'm going to feel are gone.
[00:14:30] I'm able to actually focus on the reason that I'm visiting, which is I want them to feel good. And I can actually focus on their feelings for a second instead of just being hijacked by my own. And that's nice. That feels like like the whole thing is a worthwhile, uh, endeavor.
[00:14:48] Deb: And then I think for you, it's like what we did in, in that experience is, you know, you want them to feel good, but it's like how that makes you feel like connecting into that kind of feeling on the inside of you and kind of growing that experience and having that be this foundation for when you're there in person with them. And yeah, and so I think I remember we, we did some, oh, hello kitty. The cats always show up when we're doing any kind of work. I love it. Um, and I remember that we kind of envisioned. Um, you know, the food on the table and eating food, right?
[00:15:32] So we went through some things that, that have historically given you anxiety that have felt scary and dangerous. And we did the change work process around those things and then notice that they shifted. So that was, you know, that's that kind of preparatory kind of re visioning, re imprinting experience from a, whatever technical language, but we did that just in conversation.
[00:16:02] Mm hmm. Yeah. And that, so did that like show up then when you were sitting at dinner, if you remember, like, what was it like to sit down and have that meal with them?
[00:16:20] Emily: It felt for lack of a better word. I, I showed up with a real curiosity about it because it didn't have so, I wasn't white knuckling anything.
[00:16:34] Yeah. I was just sort of, I showed up to the table and I was like, I wonder what's going to happen next. Hmm. I was, I was able to not, um, sort of, you know, like the, the way that your body involuntarily reacts before your car hits something. Like it's hard to be relaxed and open and ready to experience life if you're in, you're bracing for impact. And so to show up at a table, not bracing for impact, like allows for a lot more, um, spontaneous enjoyment of the act of being alive.
[00:17:15] Deb: I love how you just like spontaneous enjoyment at the act of being alive, which is just like. It's such an impactful statement. And then when we're even just thinking physiologically, like your body can actually eat things, taste things, enjoy them, digest them, like go through the whole process, you know, of being a body.
[00:17:41] I sometimes think like sometimes with hypnosis, you know, the goal isn't necessarily get to like this big grand state of like ecstasy, right? But just sometimes to take out, take it, get to mundane.
[00:17:57] Emily: To be okay is so good
[00:17:59] Deb: to be. Okay. Sometimes it's like, yeah, we just want to sit down and have a meal and be okay.
[00:18:05] And just be fine and be like, wow. Right. So that felt like for you, like what I noticed for you is like, that was so significantly different than what you had previously experienced that, like, actually just being okay, sitting down on a meal, being curious and relaxed and able to like, be present with your parents. Sounds like it was really profound.
[00:18:30] Mm
[00:18:30] hmm. Cool. Is there anything else you want to share about like, I don't know, just that, like, because that was just 1 session, right? Mm hmm.
[00:18:40] This is kind of like, I'm like, oh, we're wrapping up parting words. If there was like, anything you wanted to say about having received, like, Okay. And it's almost like I didn't like do hypnosis on you or at you. Like my style is very conversational.
[00:18:58] It was kind of with you. So if there's anything you wanted to like, let somebody know what doing hypnosis or hypno coaching with me is like,
[00:19:09] Emily: I think most people are very aware of how powerful an impact, um, the brain can have on your body, like. When you don't want it to like the, the, the tightness and like the involuntary clenching and like the sort of nausea and bad feelings that I was describing.
[00:19:29] Like, I think that that's not very unusual to, to know that, like, your brain is impacting your body and is making all kinds of things feel tense and weird. But I think that. People are less inclined to believe that the opposite can be like really powerfully true. Like it is, there is like a reverse knob in there somewhere.
[00:19:54] And it's not as intuitive as whatever, like needs to get tweaked to make all of those bad feelings clench up. But there, there is like, An off switch or a reverse switch, and it can be as powerful. It's just usually I can speak for myself. Like in me, it is a lot less well developed. And so like, it is something that can with practice get stronger, just in the same way that like my body's ability to clench up and be crazy when my, when my brain feels unsafe, like that's a very practiced mind body behavior that got really strong over time. And I have complete faith that like the opposite can be true as well.
[00:20:44] Deb: That's awesome. I have faith too. I have seen it. Yeah. Oh my God. You're the best. Thank you for like hopping on and just kind of sharing your experience. Cause it comes up for me. Like it's, you know, when I go and like, I had Thanksgiving with my dad and I was just like, you know, going through your experience with you and seeing that change for you, like, helped remind me like, oh, yeah, this is just like, this could just be an enjoyable meal.
[00:21:16] Like, it was like a shortcut or a shorthand. So it was so helpful. Sometimes what I really love about that is like seeing what's possible for one person kind of predisposes me to believe like, yeah, I mean, we all have brains and bodies, they all just do stuff. And so it's like, when I watched change be possible for somebody else, it reminds me also that like, it's possible for me because I too am just a human being.
[00:21:43] So very cool. Thank you. So would you say like, you know, if people were curious and wanted to try hypnosis that they Like, working with me was a good experience.
[00:21:53] Emily: Totally. I would 100 percent say that. That is an accurate statement of how I would feel about it.
[00:21:59] Deb: Thank you. I adore you.