Here's my most recently update about my knee pain and this episode also wanders off into a list of permissions that we can give ourselves for our healing journey and for our life. What might be different for you in 3 months if you learned how to master these mind body connection skills?
Here's my most recently update about my knee pain and this episode also wanders off into a list of permissions that we can give ourselves for our healing journey and for our life.
What might be different for you in 3 months if you learned how to master these mind body connection skills?
Here's the TLDL (too long, didn't listen) list of permissions:
Permission to be weird
Permission to go at your own pace
Permission to take breaks
Permission to enjoy
Permission to use a mobility aid
Permission to not worry/plan about the future
I'm sure there's even more permissions to be granted out there that are personal to you.
What would help you feel even more better?
[00:00:00] Welcome to the curiosity cure podcast. I'm your host, Deb Malkin, master certified life coach, body worker, hypnotist trained in pain reprocessing by the pain psychology center, queer elder fat human on planet earth here to help you evoke the power of simple neuroplasticity techniques rooted in shame, free curiosity.
[00:00:29] So you can feel more better. More of the time in the body you have today and build the rich, full life that you want to live. A quick disclaimer. This podcast is not a replacement for medical care. I am here to provide insights and techniques that can compliment your healthcare journey, but always consult with your healthcare provider for personalized advice.
[00:00:56] Hello, my feelers and healers. This is Deb from the CuriosityCure podcast. Today is going to be a little bit of a extemporaneous, off the cuff, right out of my mind, kind of conversation because I've actually been working on editing a cool interview with a former client of mine that will drop next week.
[00:01:20] I guess I want to give a knee pain update, which is kind of funny because I haven't actually been thinking about my knee at all. So that is the most favorite part of this update. So we are almost three months out, we'll just go with that. We're almost three months out of that moment on my Galapagos trip where I knelt funny or did something or who knows what at this point, but I had an experience that transitioned into some very intense knee pain.
[00:01:59] So much that I thought, you know, that I had an injury. I don't actually know. What I do know is regardless of whether or not I had had an injury, that experience one was excruciating and very painful and you know, it was real. And now I feel fine, which is kind of incredible. And I really credit having these tools and kind of not stopping in the process.
[00:02:30] There were so many moments of disbelief, of fear, of thinking that I had to go do something different to heal. And so many ways in which I wanted to default to something outside of me is going to heal me. Something external needs to happen for this pain to change. And as I went through the process, there are this is maybe my 3rd episode about this.
[00:02:58] So I definitely recommend going back and listening to the other 1 because I kind of narrate the story as it is unfolding. So once I went through that experience with physical therapy and I, before physical therapy, I had feeling better. And then after physical therapy, I was feeling worse. So then I let go of my physical therapist and I reached out to a colleague and just got the reinforcement that doing these techniques and that holding my body belief that tissues heal and that safety is the most important thing that I'm cultivating in this process. That really, really helped.
[00:03:41] It's not like I've not been doing anything. So I think the things that I have been doing over these three months that have been helping are I do some self massage although that now feels less and less. I had a red light pad, which I had from years ago. I have no idea whether or not these things are real, effective, placebo. I already owned it. So I didn't, Need to go and acquire it and so I would put that on and relax and put that on the back of my knee and on the top of my knee and just imagining the cells and the tissues regenerating and healing and just kind of like doing whatever it is that they need to do to feel better. I did a lot of that, like envisioning my body feeling better. envisioning my body, having a sense of knowledge and truth that is beyond my cognition, knowing that we are programmed for healing.
[00:04:52] I like to use the example of, if you cut your finger, your tissues will knit themselves back together. That is all without our cognitive process. We don't have to think anything for that to be true and for that to be happening, right? Or you bump your arm into a doorknob and you have a bruise and within a few days, the bruise is gone.
[00:05:17] That is your body's pre programmed, designed by whoever, wisdom and So my job is really just been like, how do I get out of the way of my body's natural healing process? So I definitely tried to sleep more. Sometimes I was great at that. Sometimes I was less great at that. So I was trying to just like sleep and rest, decatastrophize. So lower that threat activation level in my nervous system, to any unpleasant sensations or high emotions, I just went into a lot of soothing mode. I picked up a journal speak practice, so I had a place to put all of those big emotions. I put them in my journal. The way I do it is I write, I use one page and I write over it, so that you can't read it. Some people write it all out and then throw it out. So whatever kind of way that is cathartic for you, but the idea is that you write it all out. You write out all the big feelings.
[00:06:27] I know I did an episode in which I linked to the more formal practice. But you really like allow the feelings to be felt, right? We're always trying to work with letting go of suppressed emotions. We are trying to build this kind of circle of trust with the mind, the body and the nervous system. So my journaling has become a place in which I get to bring all of my big fear and all my big feelings, and gets to have a home.
[00:07:02] I am not telling these parts of myself like, Hey, I can't feel you, or there's no room for you, or, Oh my God, I'm afraid that if I feel this, I won't stop feeling it. Right? So there's a little bit of psychoeducation around emotions and around pain that really holds me in this sense of belief in safety.
[00:07:26] Right? It's not just wishing. This is based on science. So not only neuroscience, but also taking in other people's recovery stories always helps reinforce this sense of belief for me that healing is possible and that healing is happening inside of me.
[00:07:44] What else did I do? I would put on YouTube those, I don't know what they are really. They're just these long recordings of sounds that say that they have healing frequencies and I am like a skeptic, right? I have no idea, but I was like, Why not? Can't hurt. It's free. Might as well play this in my sleep. A lot of these things fall under the category of what would be helpful right now?
[00:08:13] In regards to movement and moving, I bounced on my rebounder a bunch of times a day and I would specifically go into positions that were kind of scary. So I would bend my knees and bounce in a squat and my feet were always on the rebounder.
[00:08:34] There's a sense of tissue loading, adding in that kind of stress to the body that, It sends the body the message that like, Hey, you need to adapt. You need to adapt to this stress because, this is what the body needs. So that's one of the ways that we get stronger.
[00:08:56] That's one of the ways that we become more mobile. That's one of the ways we become more flexible. Cueing to the body through movement that these activities are ones that the body needs to adapt to. The way that we do that safely is by doing it in small pieces. So with a client of mine, we were talking about this kind of step by step approach, both physically, step by step, but also emotionally, mentally and self reflectively step by step.
[00:09:31] So having patience when things aren't going well, you know, being able to meet that fear, whatever fear about what this means for the future and being in the moment of the step and finding that sense of security and stability and moments of not pain so that each time you step and each time I would step and not feel anything that would reinforce my brain that my body is healing.
[00:10:06] I believe that the brain is a predictive organ. So sometimes I would just be like, yeah, more of that. Thank you very much. Yeah, more of that. Right? Having experienced not pain, I knew that that was possible.
[00:10:20] I knew that that meant something about my body. I didn't have to know everything. I was just like, yes, more, please. Thank you. I gave myself permission to walk and move at my own pace. I definitely challenged myself to move more, to walk. Here's something that Was very, very important and continues to be important is to not worry about the first minute of movement.
[00:10:50] So just like when I referred to Dan Ratner's interview with Hassana Fletcher, and they were talking about aging and she was getting, advice from Dr. Stracks and he had told her, cause she was concerned that like her body aches, you know, were this sign of aging and decline. And he told her that the first hour of the day doesn't count.
[00:11:14] First off that made her laugh. And then second, uh, really helped her frame out of the distress when she would get up in the morning and if she felt any aches and pains, she just got to like hang out with that thought the first hour of the day doesn't count. And then just would continue on from there.
[00:11:35] And what she noticed was that she stopped feeling as a. And she certainly wasn't concerned about it meaning anything. So I was like, okay, well, what's my version? For a while, getting up from a chair, like any type of transition. So if I was laying in bed and then standing up, or if I was sitting in a chair and standing up, so those kinds of sit to stand moments, sometimes they were very painful. If I was waking up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, there were a few times where I would stand up and then sit back down. And I just let them be, I let those moments be, and I did not make it mean anything.
[00:12:20] I just would get up and I would have those like wobbly baby deer steps and then as I would relax into the present moment and letting go of the worry, just being like, whatever. Walking was easier and I wasn't feeling pain. So those moments, those transitions, I just let them happen. I didn't make them mean anything about what was happening in my body or the future. I would just continue on moving. And whatever that immediate sensation was. And obviously we're talking about the unpleasant sensation would just change, would just go away. And then I was noticing the other day, like, oh, I don't even have to do that because now I'm sitting and standing and getting up and moving around and most of the time, not feeling any pain.
[00:13:14] And sometimes. I am feeling pain. And again, I'm just letting it be. Because the more I move, the more strong I feel, the more I move, the more flexible I feel, the more I move, the less pain I feel overall. Right now, if I were to pay attention to my knees, like there's no achy feeling, there's no nothing feeling.
[00:13:36] There is nothing feeling. Which makes me laugh because way back, 2 years ago, 3 years ago, I went and saw an orthopedic surgeon because I, Again, kind of similar experience. I knelt down and then I felt a lot of pain and in that time I had some swelling. So maybe that's a cue. I don't know. Uh, but I knelt down, had a lot of pain, went to the doctor, took an x ray, told me I had osteoarthritis and told me your pain is only going to get worse year over year, that was what he told me and it's been year over year and I don't feel anything and I've recovered from what had been a very intense and unpleasant experience.
[00:14:25] So it really shows me that these predictions about pain. and how it sticks around and how it's going to get worse and how things only degenerate just isn't true. It just isn't true. So I am able to now hold open an open frame, this open frame where I get to meet my experience in the moment and say, Huh, I'm really curious, What is it that I'm noticing? What are the feelings? What are the emotions that I'm feeling about this sensation?
[00:15:01] What else is going on in my life that might be stressful or needing distraction from? How can I offer myself Love and care and meet this moment with the belief that this is just one moment in my life. And then, you know, really bringing in all of these elements of pain neuroscience and yada, yada, yada.
[00:15:25] What else do I want to say? I've been going to the beach and that has been really fun. Now I will say walking on sand is hard and has in the past been this kind of emotional shame trigger. And what I'm bringing to this experience now is I think about all the various ways that adding the kind of load that walking on Sand does, it really challenges my body in all of the best ways, that the more I can walk safely on sand, like the more easy it's going to be walking on flat and level ground. And certainly it's about doing an activity that I enjoy going to the beach, swimming in the ocean, being with friends. So really looking at like, what are the things that I want to do, in my life and going and getting them and going and creating those experiences for myself because that also is a part of healing.
[00:16:29] So not waiting until I completely don't feel pain to allow myself the ability to go and do these things. So just trusting that even if there is a moment of feeling something, that that moment will change, that that moment will pass. And that I have certainly all the tools that there are to have about how to meet my mind or soothe my nervous system or do somatic tracking or place my attention on other sensory experiences.
[00:17:07] There's kind of the whole buffet of choices around all of this. And also permission to go at my own pace. And if I needed one permission to use a mobility aid, permission to take breaks, permission to like not worry and not plan for the future.
[00:17:30] I actually wrote down a list of permissions, so maybe I'll read those, cause I was talking to a client, and one of the things that was really important in our work was giving her permission to heal and to challenge and to go at her own pace. Because there can be this sense of like, well, I've learned all this stuff. And so I should be better. We have a lot of beliefs about, you know, who and how we should be. And those can really interfere with the kind of curious awareness and self loving reflection.
[00:18:11] So when I was like what if you just have permission to go at your own pace? That really resonated with her. So I was like, well, what are some other permissions that are useful to have and to give and to really claim for ourselves. You might have your own list of permissions.
[00:18:29] So after that conversation with my client about permission and really seeing the visceral response, she had this visible sense of relief. I could see her body posture change. She told me that felt good. I could see this kind of wave of energy and excitement that came into her system, right? I always want to make clear that thoughts and feelings are interconnected.
[00:19:01] What we believe. We believe like through our body. So part of becoming adept at this mind-body connection is really noticing how different things feel, how different beliefs feel in us. Even just the simple question of, do I believe that these symptoms. will change or can change. When we find ways to connect into that curiosity, we can really start to see very clearly what our obstacles are.
[00:19:41] And then the remedy is in almost the opposite of that obstacle. So if we have a lot of judgment, then the antidote is really, It's really permission, is really freedom, is really agency, is really independence. What is it that we feel hampered by? So when I saw that look on her face and that sense of energy and agency coming into her body because of our conversation, I just pulled a piece of paper and wrote permissions.
[00:20:18] And just thought about permissions for myself, permissions for my clients, permissions based on conversations I've had with people. This is just the little bits that I wrote down permission to be weird. I know for myself growing up as a fat person, feeling very, very self conscious all of the time.
[00:20:44] And of course, when I look back at photos of myself, I don't see the person that I believed myself to be. And I think that's really common. When I look back at photos of myself, all I see is this like beautiful, young, innocent person who was wrongly told things about herself. I kind of almost can't articulate what it is. Because there's still so much wounding there, but I just see this poor kid who thought that control was the way to safety. So trying to control my body, control other people's perceptions about my body, trying to like trade acceptability for love, all kinds of things. So really leaning into permission to be weird.
[00:21:35] And I think in mind body work, and you'll see this in my conversation coming up with Petra, like we talked about learning to talk to our bodies. talking to our bodies, like while we're moving on purpose. It's a little weird and it can feel strange. And so really giving ourselves permission, permission to be weird.
[00:21:58] Permission to go at your own pace. That was something that has been really important in conversations with clients, right? Letting go of whatever pace we used to have in the past. Also like going at your own pace doesn't necessarily even mean slow. Cool. Like maybe your pace is now faster than it used to be. Maybe you have more capacity, right?
[00:22:23] Really being able to have that ability to sense in, to, connect with your body and with noticing what does this pace feel like? Do I feel like I have to move at this pace that I have to that the people around me are moving faster and that what I really need is something else.
[00:22:44] Then we have permission to take breaks and depending on how you're socialized, what your thoughts are around, disability and ability, ableism, like taking breaks. Also the structures that we're experiencing, are there places to actually take breaks? Which means recognizing that sometimes taking a break means that you're doing something countercultural. There's not this socially supported way to take a break. So that you are going to have to do something that is counter cultural, from everybody else around you. So that really takes a lot of fortitude and agency and independence, having your own back to feel entitled to follow the pace of your body in this moment, taking breaks.
[00:23:38] We talk about the importance of pacing and getting back to movement and creating safety in our nervous system, giving ourselves permission to take breaks to me is not negotiable. You're the only one who gets to decide that when it's time to take a break for you, how long that break might be. Even just knowing that you have permission to take a break sometimes is just enough to be like, you know what, but actually I think I can go further. And if I want to take a break, I will.
[00:24:09] Permission to enjoy. I really think about this as permission to enjoy like both the sensory permission to enjoy what things feel like, what does it feel like to be in your body, to enjoy the things that you enjoy. Reminding yourself that, we don't have to be out of pain to be able to enjoy things and so sometimes shifting the focus to enjoyment and pleasure and amplifying our awareness and attention that like, Oh, you know what? Also my body does these things, but also it really enjoys X, Y, Z. Giving yourself permission to not always be working on things, not always be healing, not always be whatever and just enjoying.
[00:24:59] So then the next one is permission to use a mobility aid. That one I think is really hard for some people. Not everybody needs a mobility aid all the time. And sometimes they're very helpful, especially when we're talking about creating a greater sense of safety. So whether that's That's having a cane that folds up and feeling like you can use it if you need another point of contact with the ground.
[00:25:27] I would even call hiking poles a mobility aid, right? As you're hiking and moving on uneven terrain, do you have another point of contact with the ground? Can you notice? What does that feel like in your nervous system when you have that? So really it's always again about safety about safety, about safety and about safety and giving yourself permission to use the things that increases your sense of safety.
[00:25:59] And then permission to not worry about or plan the future. One of the paradoxes in mind body work is that we really work on This present moment, but we are also under the hood unwiring pain behaviors, and changing the brain's predictive codes so that we do experience a different future.
[00:26:26] And again, you'll see in this future conversation I have with Petra, she talks about the importance of having a vision, creating a vision board, imagining and envisioning the activities that she wanted to do. But the thing about envisioning or mental rehearsal is that it is an activity that we do today.
[00:26:49] So that is not really worrying about the future. So maybe that's permission to not worry about the future, but like, what can I do today to envision a different future, knowing that that is supported in the brain approach, but also not living in the future. Let's live in our today body.
[00:27:14] Let's just see what's possible right now. Practicing those skills now is the only way that, those skills will become a part of your New conditioned responses to any kind of stimuli. So it's not in the future. It's not tomorrow It's today. It's right now. It is, you know practicing somatic tracking. It is talking to yourself with kindness.
[00:27:44] It is picking up a journaling practice. It is learning about pain neuroscience. It is entertaining the belief that things are can be different. There's so many aspects and entry points to having a different future. That starts today, and worry is not one of them. Worry almost is the interrupter of simple action, and it keeps us in that kind of stuck fight or flight, or dorsal freeze.
[00:28:16] So even when we notice that we're in a worry state, we can take that awareness and bring some gentleness to it, right? Oh, I noticed that I'm worrying about this upcoming trip, or I'm worrying about this activity, or I'm worrying about this time in the future. And then bringing it back to today, practicing our skills, practicing moving out of an all or nothing mindset, practicing decreasing fear, practicing interdependence and asking for help.
[00:28:52] Like there's all kinds of things we can do. And recognizing that the worry is just your brain's best strategy for taking good care of you. But what we know about worry is that when we practice worry, we just get really good at worry. We want to take the trigger of worry as the cue for practicing other things.
[00:29:22] I'm trying to think of what else I should say today. I have a new website. I'm going to make a podcast about the experience of creating that website because it really did lead me through a powerful journey, in regards to being present with myself and leaning into things that I believe about my work, about neuroplasticity, about who I am in this work and kind of how my, I don't want to say brand, but how, my approach has been evolving over the last few years and really wanting to lean into the uniqueness of me.
[00:30:09] If you go on my website, the curiositycure. com, you'll see me. I'm not wearing beige and sitting by the ocean, though I love sitting by the ocean, but you're going to really see me and there's no sense of me toning myself down. I tried to bring the approach to doing the website, that I bring to doing mind body work.
[00:30:35] And it was really powerful and led me to a deeper sense of self connection and a deeper level of healing. So that's pretty cool. That's kind of powerful and I'm excited to get to share that story with you because I think that it might help. So that is the My podcast today, I am pretty darn excited about how my body is feeling, knock on wood or whatever that is, but like, I also just kind of feel both real proud of myself and also really in this deep sense of almost like relaxation, that feels kind of luxurious. There's a sense of letting go of this tight, clenched holding that I think has been going on for a long time.
[00:31:31] I know that there's still more of that to relax, but this has really empowered me into this sense of ease, and not always efforting. At this 110 percent quality of high intensity. So I think that there's a new me emerging and now, I'm just babbling. All right, I hope that there are things that I have shared in this podcast. that will help give you the steps and tools to feeling better. Always. I want to invite you. If you're curious about doing this work, book a curiosity call. Let's have a conversation because things could look different three months from now, just like things had looked different three months previously for me, I feel really grateful to be in this position now where my knee is feeling well and I'm feeling strong and I'm feeling even more doubled down on this work, which is very exciting.
[00:32:34] So what might be different for you three months from now as you learn to attend to your body differently. I would love to have that conversation with you, and I hope that you are well and was going to say, I'm wishing you a happy 4th of July. I have no idea. There's so much going on politically.
[00:32:56] That's a whole nother podcast that I may or may not record because at this moment, uh, my brain definitely does not have the capacity to really conceptualize what is happening. But always get to bring my fear and anger to my journal speak practice. And then of course, to future actions like voting. And that is today's podcast.
[00:33:23] All right, take care.