I’m uploading today’s from the plane as I’m heading to the PPDA Psychophysiologic Disorders Association Conference in Boulder. My hopes with this podcast is to inform and carry on the tradition of mindbody pioneers like Dr. Sarno who said that information and understanding are the treatment. And it’s essential to not just talk about ideas but to give you things to practice rooted in a mindbody framework. So today’s short practice that you can do anywhere at any time, is to help you lean in to movement with a sense of safety, curiosity and empowerment with a way of soothing and tending to your nervous system. Listen once. Try it. Listen again. Try it again even more deeply with more understanding and listen again and again until your brain and body start to approach moving with this orientation. Book a call with me if you want to go deeper into this work individually with me. I’d love to connect.
I’m uploading today’s from the plane as I’m heading to the PPDA Psychophysiologic Disorders Association Conference in Boulder.
My hopes with this podcast is to inform and carry on the tradition of mindbody pioneers like Dr. Sarno who said that information and understanding are the treatment.
And it’s essential to not just talk about ideas but to give you things to practice rooted in a mindbody framework.
So today’s short practice that you can do anywhere at any time, is to help you lean in to movement with a sense of safety, curiosity and empowerment with a way of soothing and tending to your nervous system.
Listen once. Try it. Listen again. Try it again even more deeply with more understanding and listen again and again until your brain and body start to approach moving with this orientation.
Book a call with me if you want to go deeper into this work individually with me. I’d love to connect.
[00:00:00] Welcome to the curiosity cure podcast. I'm your host, Deb Malkin, master certified life coach, body worker, hypnotist trained in pain reprocessing by the pain psychology center, queer elder fat human on planet earth here to help you evoke the power of simple neuroplasticity techniques rooted in shame, free curiosity.
[00:00:29] So you can feel more better. More of the time in the body you have today and build the rich, full life that you want to live. A quick disclaimer. This podcast is not a replacement for medical care. I am here to provide insights and techniques that can compliment your healthcare journey, but always consult with your healthcare provider for personalized advice.
[00:00:56] Hello, my feelers and healers. This is Deb from the Curiosity Cure podcast. And today I want to do a little practice with you. And I'm going to preface it with a little bit of education. And I have a lot to talk about, but clearly I'm, I have other things that I've been dealing with, like a bathroom renovation and a bunch of stuff that all seems like it's getting in the way, but actually what I know to be true about myself is, um, things get in the way, but also it's part of a strategy of like, Oh, maybe I'm not really ready to, Bye.
[00:01:38] I'm not going to talk about that on the podcast yet, so just stay tuned. I'm going to be talking about a most recent pain flare, some emotional stuff, and some pretty big realizations that I've had and some work that I've been doing. So that stuff is coming. I want to. Just share with you, even those of us who understand this work on a deep level, who help other people through their healing journey, like we are also human.
[00:02:09] We are also dealing with life stressors. We are also unwinding childhood patterns. We are also being a human being in a human body. I always like to create stuff that is useful, and I definitely enjoy using my own stories. And I think that that story is continuing to emerge and evolve. And I'm curious where it's going to take me, um, also coming up next week is I'm going to the PPD a conference, the psychophysiological disorders conference and many of my teachers and colleagues will be there.
[00:02:49] This is the 1st time I'm going to meet many of them in person and that is both like overwhelming and extremely exciting, and I am very excited to show up deeply and fully as me at that conference, which means, you know, showing up to learn. But also showing up deeply in the embodied knowledge that I have, especially around things that we don't often talk about, which are the biopsychosocial implications of being a larger person and how weight stigma informs our physiological, mental, and emotional experiences.
[00:03:34] I'm hoping that I will get a chance to tease out some of these things. With people find more collaborators and colleagues. I'm super excited that I'm Going with a group of people who I love and trust, one of the things that is kind of challenging about being a solo practitioner is like, it's just me on the computer helping people, but also I have a whole universe of people that I've learned from that I'm connected with.
[00:04:06] Uh, so being in this. group, I have this sense of, um, colleagues and collaborators, and we're all doing the same work. We're all doing the same work, but in our own unique ways. And so it's a kind of analogous to being a human. We are all doing the same work of being alive. We are also all doing it uniquely in our own individual mind and body, and then our individual mind and body is a part of a larger whole. But the basic biological principles, no matter how diverse or divergent we might be, the basic biological principles inside of us are all the same. They're more the same than they are different. There's always this sense of connection and individuation, connection and individuation in this process for me.
[00:05:12] I think for me, one of the things that has been powerful about doing mind body work is that it actually helps me feel. More connected to other people, uh, and other people who like, don't look like me, who don't have the same physical experience that I do. Um, and I think that sense of otherness is slowly being softened. I think what we're sold in this society is like, there's a certain category of acceptable bodies. And if we want love and connection and, you know, well being, that our bodies have to look and feel a certain way. And, Um, I think this work has been incredibly helpful in terms of helping me uproot and dismantle a lot of those beliefs that, that were taught, which is the only answer to feeling better comes on the other side of weight loss. I believe that that isn't true. What I am excited to do and continue to do is show up fully in this practice as myself, both as a person who has benefited from mind body work and continues to benefit from mind body work, but also as a person who has a sense of an expansive view of it.
[00:06:47] Of whose bodies are able to benefit from this work and being able to expand and move beyond that kind of exceptionalism that comes with weight stigma that like, Oh, these techniques work for all bodies except for those larger bodies. And so I really find it very profound and continuing to unfold. I think there's no one answer. in all of this.
[00:07:17] And today, the practice that I want to talk about is how to hold your hand through finding a sense of ease and freedom with movement. And this is based off of not just the conversation I just had, but also a number of conversations that I've been having and continuing to have.
[00:07:40] And There's a concept called the SED principle, which asserts that the human body adapts specifically to imposed demands. So that is the SED principle. Specific Adaptation to Imposed Demands. And So on Wikipedia, it says, for example, by only doing pull ups on the same regular pull up bar, the body becomes adapted to this specific physical demand, but not necessarily to other climbing patterns or environments.
[00:08:16] And I think what's important here about the said principle, and I am not going to get into proving or disproving it. I'm almost using it like a metaphor, which is to say. That the things that we want to get back to doing, we need to do, both important for the brain to continue to encode motor patterns and also for our physical tissue adaptation and also for our mind body relationship to that activity.
[00:08:56] And now none of this requires perfection, but what it does require is a willingness to turn towards. An activity that we may have let pain, encourage us to avoid, right? We've all heard those messages that if it hurts, stop doing it, which I think there's some wisdom there. And then there's also a lot of error there.
[00:09:21] Because pain is a complex biopsychosocial experience, it is not only related to tissue only related to the activity that we're doing. So as we learn how to safely turn towards doing an activity, we also can apply the SAID principle to being able to train our brain and our body that these activities are safe for us to do, and that we will get better at doing them, so that over time, our today body may not be great at doing it, but if we continue to do it, bringing the right mindset to the activity, which means bringing in nervous system safety, bringing in a sense of compassion, and also determination, like the cognitive determination when we know these pain neuroscience techniques. We, we know the science behind the moving towards an activity that really can help give ourselves some buy in because there's always a period of insecurity and unknowing and that makes so much sense to stop doing something when we don't know that we're capable of doing it.
[00:10:45] And depending on our relationship to failure and also, I will say for a lot of, um, larger people that I talk to, it's also intense to be perceived as not being capable of doing certain activities. And so that kind of self protection, that not wanting to be in the environment which feels scary or leaves us open to being ridiculed or even feeling like people are watching us will often be the motivation for avoidance.
[00:11:25] And now when we think about our whole self and protecting our whole self, right? Our drive for avoidance makes sense. But the only way to move forward is not to It's not to ignore the avoidance, it's to get curious about it. It's to be like, what is it about this experience that I, that avoidance feels better than moving towards? So here's the practice that I want you, want to encourage you to do. So whatever it is, whatever the activity is that feels difficult for you right now, I want you to just imagine it. Imagine doing the thing that feels hard to do. Whether that's actually physically difficult to do or emotionally difficult to do, whatever it is, just touch into it slightly and gently and then take a deep breath and just give your body a shake and place your hand on your heart or start to gently stroke your arms as if you are caressing your own arms as if you were soothing an upset pet or a child.
[00:12:49] Just that sense of comfort being brought in. Now I want you to imagine doing that activity. While you imagine doing that activity, I want you to just notice any fear that arises. And make a safe place for that fear in this experience. Because it is okay to feel fear. Fear is actually not an obstacle.
[00:13:20] Thank you. It's not an obstacle to doing or creating anything, it's just information and the part of you that feels fear needs some comfort. And there might be another part of you that's like curious, it's like huh, I really wonder if I could do that. So maybe it's walking up a hill or walking up and down some stairs.
[00:13:50] Maybe it's, I don't even know, reaching up to a cabinet to get a plate or put away a glass. Or maybe it's taking a walk down the street further than you've walked in a while. Or maybe it is
[00:14:12] waking up in the morning and feeling like you can get out of bed. So I want you to imagine doing it as you're giving yourself this comforting touch, making room for fear to be there, and then finding that kernel of curiosity and willingness. And maybe that feels like a tiny ember, and can you imagine blowing on that ember and making it.
[00:14:44] Bigger, brighter, warmer, bringing it to life. And as you are bringing that feeling to life, that willingness to try in your today body, knowing that you're able to attend to yourself, knowing that no matter what happens, you'll be okay. This is the part where we practice. So sometimes as I am walking, and I've said this before, that I will often Attune my attention to what is working well, where I feel strong, and where I feel steady.
[00:15:33] So now just imagine you doing that activity and noticing all the places where you feel strong and you feel steady. And it may not be the whole thing, and that is okay. Lately, I've been using a cane for walking because I had a A bit of a knee pain flare up and using a cane has been helpful in when I've been either needing to do stairs or walking a long distance or anything that in my mind brings a little bit of insecurity.
[00:16:13] And the cane's been super helpful and I don't always use it, but it is there for me when I need it. And when I'm thinking of using this cane, it really allows me to sink into how my body is strong, how I have support. And I really notice, it's so interesting, I notice that often my gait is stronger and faster and more steady when I use the cane versus when I'm not using the cane.
[00:16:49] But I know that I'm not really leaning on the cane all that much. So to me, it's very clear that my nervous system needs something from me. So as I'm using this cane and I'm walking, I'm remembering the said principle. So I'm remembering to tell myself that this is me walking, and that as I am adapting to the imposed demand of walking and feeling more steady, more strong, and more sure, that And now I've noticed that I'm mostly not using the cane now, and that steadiness and surety and strength is present more often, more of the time.
[00:17:41] Because I've created that sense of safety in my nervous system, and I have to not care people perceive me in any particular way while walking with a cane. Because I'm in community with and love deeply many people who use canes. I think for me, I don't see it in a particularly negative way. It is a mobility aid and we all need help, different kinds of help at different times. But the thing that I am always keeping in mind is that my ability to do an activity is plastic, just like my perception of pain is plastic, right?
[00:18:30] So to give you an overview of this activity, this type of mental rehearsal is really helpful for preparing you for doing the activity. And there may be a gap, there may be a gap between your today body and how adapted it is to doing that movement, and your tomorrow body, which feels that strength and stability and capability much more easily. And there are lots of different ways to bridge that gap.
[00:19:10] Sometimes it is practicing the activity, Just like in physical therapy, or at the gym, feeling stronger, building strength, sometimes it is literally holding your emotional hand through the practice, or both, some version of both. And you know what that is for you. So for you, it is important to identify what piece is missing.
[00:19:39] What feels scary, dangerous?
[00:19:45] Sometimes it is just the experience that my today body doesn't match this past body. And that sense of grief, that sense of emotional pain, or that sense of confusion is there and that feels so overwhelming because all we want is to get back to how we used to feel. And I understand that, but then that's the gap that needs. bridging. And so what would help you feel more confident? What would lead you to being able to apply this said principle to your body, to your activity? How can this be curious, fun, interesting, How can you have gratitude or awe for all of the possibilities, all of the like capabilities that your amazing body has because your body takes care of you every single day when you're awake and when you're asleep.
[00:20:53] Your autonomic nervous system, your organs, your blood, your digestion, your body is alive and working for you all the time.
[00:21:07] One of the things that I've probably said on this podcast is, you know, when we get like a paper cut, our body is amazing. It knows how to heal. Basically, our job is to like make sure it's clean and then get out of the way. Maybe think about, is there something I can do in this environment to help create a better environment for healing that often involves making sure you have enough rest, making sure that your nourishment is supportive of body healing. Also, we don't need perfection, right? Sometimes it is like having a sense of relaxation and trust that your body is operating behind the scenes, right? So when we add worry or fear or extra tension, that's actually giving our body kind of more work, more stuff to do and attend to. And so as we're looking to create a kind of change.
[00:22:09] That you want to be experiencing, how can you really draw your attention to what feels like it's working and sink into that feeling of trust, sink into that feeling of awe and amazement that your body is so unbelievably magical, complex, full of healing. It's so fascinating. And then really sinking into this feeling that change is always happening.
[00:22:44] So when we avoid activity, the said principle also applies. We're having a specific adaptation to impose demands. So now we have fewer demands or we're having demands in a different way. So your body is adapting always to what you're asking it to do. And that's where turning away from avoidance is really powerful.
[00:23:14] Because when we want to walk with more ease, we have to also learn to walk with less ease, turning down the fear, turning up the focus on what's working. When we learn how to move through discomfort and uncomfortable physiological, like sensory experiences, we need to learn how to separate them from the strong emotions, from the fear, from the anticipation of discomfort, because oftentimes when we do that, what we find is that the discomfort disappears or is very low in comparison to the distress.
[00:24:06] All of that requires, turning towards and attending to and teaching the brain and the body that this is what we want. This is what we're going to be doing. And what I've noticed for me is that my walking is so much better, but my confidence about my walking also is so much better. And I almost can't remember what it used to be like when I used to be afraid, so afraid, and so full of shame, so full of body shame and fear that my avoidance of those feelings is what drove my avoidance of activity.
[00:24:48] And that was the right thing to do because I had no capability, I had no process for attending to and releasing that shame, for having a different response because of the way that I was raised and the culture that we have and the way that we validate some bodies over other bodies.
[00:25:11] So all of this is inside of us, but what is also inside of us. Are these incredible processes of mind body connections and relationships. This inherent body's drive for survival, for healing, for well being. And for each of you, it is going to be slightly different. And then when you zoom out.
[00:25:37] We are so much more the same than we are different, and I find that useful because when I listen to people's recovery stories, and I do, I ask what can I take from this and apply to my own life, to my own experience? Not how do I be that person, but what learning is in here for me?
[00:26:00] The activity itself was very short and I really recommend doing that kind of mental rehearsal, bringing in your imagination starting to chip away at the strategies of avoidance and starting to lean into the SED principle. For whatever it is that you want to be doing more of.
[00:26:25] And just start where you are, move forward gently. And that might mean if it's a physical thing that you want to get better at, working with a coach or a trainer, like a physical coach or trainer, working with PT, working with somebody, but not letting them tell you things that are wrong with your body, like not implanting negative ideas, but just getting you moving closer and closer and closer towards doing more of what you want to be doing.
[00:26:58] And holding your own hand through that emotional journey, because that emotional journey is real and it is an important part of the physiological process. I've spoken about this on the podcast before, but when we are in a fear response, it's like the brakes are put on, or it's like a dog, have you ever seen a dog that not doesn't want to walk anymore?
[00:27:25] Like, you can pull on it, and pull on it, and pull on it, it's not going anywhere. You gotta pick that guy up. That is our, the power of our nervous system, is to be able to put the brakes on and say, Nope, we're not doing this. Sorry, I totally forgot, even though I knew how to do this before, I'm not doing it. And so, being able to move through that experience is really helpful. That is not the place to stop. That is not where the story ends.
[00:27:57] It's where the healing begins and it doesn't have to be hard. It might be emotional, but it doesn't have to be hard. If this work is calling to you, if you know, that there is you on the other side of doing this mind body work that knows that you will feel better, that knows that you will get back to doing activities that you love or start to do new activities. That you're excited about trying, knowing that there is a path beyond pain and working in this mind body way to attend to that inner conversation and create the experience in the physical world, like create the physical or physiological experience that you would like to be having more of. I am available for working with new clients and I would love to talk to you. Let's see if we click. And we can work together. Thank you for listening, and I'll see you later.