This podcast I take you on a journey into my own health stuff as I notice and map my stress triggers and work with fear, shame and curiosity to help my mindbody system navigate the unknown. One of the most important practices we can build is to start to decrease our sense of threat by using trauma empowering exercises like Trigger Mapping. I first learned this activity in my Somatica Coaching Training, and of course noticed the similarities with other somatic practices like somatic tracking in Pain Reprocessing Therapy. All of this work has a similar foundation of cultivating non-judgmental awareness, a loving witness, curiosity and a felt sense of safety while doing exposure activities. They might use slightly different language but there's a lot of overlaps. One of the foundations of Somatica that I appreciate most is the radical acceptance of emotions and also the prioritization of pleasure. I have found adding an emphasis on pleasure in my own somatic practices have made them, well a whole lot more pleasurable to do. Have a listen and start to explore your own Triggers in this way. Where can you start to notice the edges and boundaries of your stress and/or trauma responses?
This podcast I take you on a journey into my own health stuff as I notice and map my stress triggers and work with fear, shame and curiosity to help my mindbody system navigate the unknown.
One of the most important practices we can build is to start to decrease our sense of threat by using trauma empowering exercises like Trigger Mapping. I first learned this activity in my Somatica Coaching Training, and of course noticed the similarities with other somatic practices like somatic tracking in Pain Reprocessing Therapy. All of this work has a similar foundation of cultivating non-judgmental awareness, a loving witness, curiosity and a felt sense of safety while doing exposure activities. They might use slightly different language but there's a lot of overlaps.
One of the foundations of Somatica that I appreciate most is the radical acceptance of emotions and also the prioritization of pleasure. I have found adding an emphasis on pleasure in my own somatic practices have made them, well a whole lot more pleasurable to do.
Have a listen and start to explore your own Triggers in this way. Where can you start to notice the edges and boundaries of your stress and/or responses?
Here's an article about the Science Behind Somatica - https://www.somaticainstitute.com/science-behind-somatica/
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[00:00:00] Deb Malkin: Welcome to the Curiosity Cure podcast. I'm your host, Deb Malkin, master certified life coach, body worker hypnotist, trained in pain reprocessing by the pain psychology center, queer elder. Fat human on planet Earth. Here to help you evoke the power of simple neuroplasticity techniques rooted in shame free curiosity, so you can feel more, better, more of the time in the body you have today, and build the rich full life that you want to live.
[00:00:39] A quick disclaimer, this podcast is not a replacement for medical care. I am here to provide insights and techniques that can compliment your healthcare journey. But always consult with your healthcare provider for personalized advice.
[00:00:56] I just wanna share that it's been fascinating while I've been editing this podcast one of the things that came up for me was noticing my recovery period after some of the experiences that I had for getting medical testing and care, and just noticing that there was a sense of delayed stress response and recovery.
[00:01:23] And noticing that there was this increased sensitivity in being triggered. So as I am exploring this idea of trigger mapping, I wanna invite you that there's an ongoing process to starting to notice what is affecting how you're feeling and giving yourself a lot of grace.
[00:01:48] That there are these different levels of processing stressful experiences and sometimes we don't really let ourselves fully feel into the stress that we had just experienced until a little while after we've experienced it. Then when our bodies feel safe, right?
[00:02:08] When we've come through the experience sometimes that is when the stress release process really starts to happen and we can feel more because it feels more safe to feel more. So that's what's been happening for me as I've been editing this podcast. So just wanted to throw that in and just a always offer that being able to self witness with curiosity and kindness is always an option for you.
[00:02:42] Hello, my feelers and healers. This is Deb of the Curiosity Cure Podcast, and today I wanna talk about an idea that I learned in my Somatica training, but also it's very prevalent in mind body work. It's just maybe has a different name, but I wanna talk about trigger mapping. And trigger mapping in regards to understanding how stressors are felt in our bodies.
[00:03:15] And I'm gonna share with you just a little bit of my journey this past week of going through some testing for gallbladder issues. So, you know, medical testing in general can be very stressful. It can be stressful on a lot of different levels, right? So there's the having access to health insurance and healthcare at all, period.
[00:03:39] Right? The ease with which you have to address a symptom. We in mind body work, we always want to invite people to rule out physical conditions. And so I'm having an issue around digestion and I was like, Hey, I really wanna rule out like a gallbladder issue, so that that can help me rule in whether there's a neuroplastic component to it.
[00:04:04] I got a ultrasound and it showed that I had gallstones and I was like, okay, and so just proceeding with that kind of care and curiosity. I like my gastroenterologist. And so we were like, okay, what is the next step? So I made, an appointment to meet with a surgeon and also she recommended I do this scan.
[00:04:26] So I did a scan. The scan was like, ah, you have a blockage. And I was like. Hmm. Okay. That was very scary. There was a whole stressful experience about getting the scan and getting it approved by insurance and a whole series of communications and miscommunications, some of which were maybe my responsibility.
[00:04:47] There's a whole process of learning something new, knowing what you don't know, about the ways to deal with a certain system. So there was that, and getting that information and having to metabolize what that information might mean for my month for the next two months and I had a lot of things scheduled.
[00:05:12] I am presenting at the ATNS conference, which I'm super excited about and did not wanna miss, didn't wanna let down my co-presenter. And I have a birthday trip scheduled and I didn't want to reschedule that one and, but I was like, Hey, if this is what's happening, then sure we're gonna take this really seriously.
[00:05:36] But I could tell that there was this tension and there was some ruminating. I was definitely not going to sleep well. Like there was a way in which my brain wanted to keep working over this information. And for me personally, there were some pieces that didn't add up. And so, you know, I had done a little bit of research, which I, I kind of think is just the way we do things now.
[00:06:04] And it can be a pit that you fall into when you do too much research. And then there's a way that doing just enough research, can be helpful in terms of helping you understand what all the possibilities are, what the next step are, what are other people who've been through this experience.
[00:06:25] And the part about trigger mapping is mapping in your own body what you are noticing and feeling, how you're responding, what impulses come up as you are reading this information, as you are talking about it, as you are thinking about it. So what I noticed was, I was really trying to control things and I wanted to know everything now, and I was like really stressed out about my schedule and then I was not sleeping as well and I was like, well, that's not ideal either.
[00:07:00] I became even more afraid to eat. I had done a big shift in my diet to deal with a high cholesterol issue, and then that also really helped my symptoms. So I was like, great, everybody's like, if you have gallbladder issues, you should eat low fat. So I've been like shifting all of that, and that process has been feeling really good.
[00:07:22] So that's also a trigger mapping experience of noticing where you're not feeling triggered. So I was not feeling triggered originally making those changes in my diet, to address these symptoms and to address just my organ. So that was delightful, right? Mapping the not triggered triggers the previous triggers.
[00:07:48] The things that in the past would have really sent me spiraling and now noticing how un triggered I am, but then getting this other information, that was a little bit more intense and a little bit more scary. I could tell that there was some gripping, there was some tightness, there was some kind of clenching down and fear responses.
[00:08:12] What was interesting was when I was able to see all of that and slow my breathing and be able to map these triggers and the sensations, I could see that they were coming from fear and they were not actually coming from my body in terms of there being anything substantially different in how I was feeling.
[00:08:38] I actually was feeling the same, which is I'm feeling relatively good and in some of my research I was like, if this thing that they said from the scan was true, I would expect to be experiencing these symptoms and I'm not experiencing any of them. And I was like, okay. You know? And I was like, are you being true with yourself?
[00:09:01] Are you just wishing that you're not experiencing them? And I was like, no, I'm not experiencing those symptoms. So I brought that up to my doctor and she was like, yeah why don't we do this other test? So I got a CT scan. And I was a little nervous about that and I asked my friends who've had CT scans before and I was like, what should I expect?
[00:09:24] And they all shared with me like, Hey, it's no big deal at the test itself is really short. You're gonna feel like this warm flushing feeling. So all of that was so useful so that when I showed up and I felt that warm flushing feeling, I wasn't alarmed. I was like, oh, here you are. You are right on time.
[00:09:43] I was expecting you. The things that I did notice around getting that test was just some fear, some anxiety. I had a whole bunch of symptoms show up that were like my usual stress symptoms, so like tightness in my neck, tightness in my head, head pressure, and I was like, Hey, head pressure, i'm gonna bring you along for the ride. You are here telling me that you're nervous, that you're afraid, and I get it because I'm nervous. I'm afraid a little bit, but I'm also like doing the next step of getting more information. So I was also kind of curious.
[00:10:25] And when I go to new situations in new medical places, I really just try to lead with like, I am gonna be relating with people, so that I can relax my history of being othered in medical environments or any kind of negativity, or not anticipating weight stigma or negativity about my body. So when I go in and I think about the people who are working at the front desk and the people who are gonna be helping me, I prime myself with these people are here to help me.
[00:11:03] So it helps me show up feeling more relaxed, even though also there was this subconscious tension, of course. New situations always bring me a sense of tension and that is a part of my own mapping of my nervous system is like, if I know this about myself, then I don't need to be alarmed when it shows up.
[00:11:30] Because all I need to say is hello Body Defense System you're showing up. I'm in this new environment, I'm in this new situation. I'm stepping into something new. And you are here as my protector. You are here showing up as my like, I got you. Even though you're really freaking annoying I appreciate it. So thank you.
[00:11:53] There's just ways in which when I'm not rejecting a symptom, I'm not rejecting a way that a trigger shows up in my body, I can lean into curiosity and also I can just like relax. Relax into finding out what feels like safety in this moment. So some of what helped me going into this test was getting there early so I could get parking. And then I did a little bit of breathing, a little physiological sigh. I leaned into the sensations that I was feeling, so I wasn't trying to get rid of them.
[00:12:31] I think I listened to something I really enjoyed while driving. And I just leaned into the sensations and thanked them for being here and for taking good care of me. And, as soon as I got into the building, I felt more relaxed. That's a thing that I notice happens with me, like when I travel. There's one final breath that doesn't get exhaled until I get through security and I'm sitting at the gate and I was just like, okay, body, I see you. You have this little bit of tension that you just hang onto and that is okay.
[00:13:10] So mapping our own individual responses is so useful and not expecting myself to be like someone else. Somebody else going into this situation is gonna have a completely different response. Some people are gonna be really anxious, some people are gonna be like, no big deal. I think I kind of land in the middle. As I was going through this process, also giving myself time to recover. And so noticing these stressors are additional loads onto my cognitive and emotional and physical body, my being.
[00:13:55] Anytime we have a stressor. Whether something that we're anticipating or something that just happens to say you're walking down the street and crossing the street and a car has to slam on its brakes to not hit you, that's a stressor, right? So your body is going to respond even if you're not like actually in danger, but your body's gonna respond and then it needs time.
[00:14:20] Often it needs movement or it needs something to let go of that stress response. And that process is different for different people. So I love to use movement and to shake and oh, when I was in my appointment, they like left me in this room for a while and, uh, so I just started humming and singing and I was like, oh, right.
[00:14:43] Humming and singing that really helped my nervous system. Because you're innervating the vagus nerve. And also just like it's, I'm, I am gonna make some pleasant mouth sounds and that was delightful. I'm going to entertain myself while I am waiting for somebody to bring me to the next part of this test.
[00:15:06] And so it can be really useful when we have stressors. When we get triggered to not shame ourselves for feeling stressed or responding to a trigger, right? When we tell ourselves we shouldn't be feeling a certain way that this shouldn't be happening, that I should be over it by now. Or even just being confused.
[00:15:31] Why am I feeling this way? If we don't know why we're feeling this way? Take a moment and be like. What is in my landscape? What has, what has like tipped me over my capacity? And it could be anything. It could be a difficult conversation. It could be avoiding a difficult conversation. It can be an email. It could be a pet being sick, it could be thinking about the future of this country. It could be thinking about, having anticipatory grief about somebody that you love dying, right? Like it literally can be anything that just makes that, we talk about the stress pitcher, right? Like it just makes that pitcher overflow. The one thing that has made us feel just a little bit overstretched and, and it, there's no kind of singular answer to that, so you need to do your own internal investigation and be honest with yourself. If you are noticing like you're discounting something because you think you shouldn't be feeling strongly about it, then that's it.
[00:16:52] Right. Anything that we're avoiding due to shame or fear, or even minimizing, if we find that we are minimizing a lot, then that is the subconscious stressor that we are trying really hard to avoid. And if you're trying hard to avoid something that is effort, an effort is going to be experienced in the body, right?
[00:17:19] So that's the walk that your body is taking on the inside. And so you're like wondering why you're sweaty. You just took a walk. Without actually moving, that's a metaphor. So I hope you're really getting that. I don't know that I'm saying it all that well. And this is not about perfection, right?
[00:17:39] This is about making room to be with what is and knowing that like, hey, when we're feeling a little triggered, or when we have things that are going to be a heavy lift or tax us a little bit extra to be anticipatorily loving and generous. So, the things that I did after my exam one, have some really good coffee and a delicious lunch because I didn't get, eat or drink for many, many hours.
[00:18:11] So there was that, that I was looking forward to. And then also just letting myself relax about the results, I was like, the results will come. Let's just trust this system. I do have the benefit of living in a very metropolitan and in highly technologically advanced place.
[00:18:31] So I will often get my test results before my doctors get my test results. Which I think is interesting. But that's the system, so I'm rolling with it. But really just sinking into how can I feel good in my body? What is it that helps me feel some pleasure? Like, yes, I'm in this not knowing place.
[00:18:54] Okay, so this is what not knowing feels like to me right now. Just knowing that I'm gonna get the answers. And then some of what helped me in this process when I was noticing had a lot of controlling impulses was just sinking into the trust that whatever happens, I'll figure it out. That is like one of my absolute, absolute favorite strategies is that belief.
[00:19:20] Whatever happens, I will figure it out. Because I have, so far, I figured out many, many, many things, many stressful things, and not always perfectly right. This isn't about perfection, but it's that belief and trust helps me stop that spiral, and that's the goal. The goal is to sink into the positive feeling or the spaciousness that comes with that belief.
[00:19:52] Because rumination is not a useful strategy, even if it's a common one. And it's just the way that we keep bringing up and bringing up and bringing up and bringing up and feeling into, feeling into and feeling into the quality of those rum thoughts. It's easy to say don't do that, but the first thing we have to do is notice that we're doing it.
[00:20:20] And then lean into the awareness of that and start to tend to the self that's bringing it up because it wants a resolution. It's saying, I'm afraid of dying. I am afraid of being sick. I'm afraid of being inconvenienced and having to disappoint people, like all kinds of things, right?
[00:20:45] So just noticing all of those thoughts and feelings that were arising and making space for them to be there. And what I noticed was when I mapped this and made room for it in my life, it didn't take up that much room. It wasn't like a, I needed to stop doing things for the whole day, which is like, if that's what you want, you do that.
[00:21:08] But there was a slowness and a gentleness and I think I even laid down and took a nap and I was like, Hmm, let's be gentle and generous with myself, but also really start to notice what is it that is ringing that fear alarm bell, and how can I meet that? Not with controlling and not with obsession, but with gentleness, curiosity, compassion, and if I had time taking it one step deeper. Which could be doing inner child work, which could be doing some journal speak on it, which could be doing any other process that you have in your mind, body practice. It can be doing some somatic tracking. What are the sensations that you're noticing? What are the emotions and the thoughts that are arising? You know, just starting to use this opportunity to get to know yourself even better. The gift of being in process with yourself is that at any moment you can notice, Hey, I'm being mean. Okay, well, I'm not gonna shame myself for being mean to myself.
[00:22:24] How do I meet this moment of being mean and noticing it? And start to cultivate a corrective experience so that we start to unravel and unpack these habituated lifelong patterns, and we're gonna do them over and over and over and over again. And that is okay because as we're doing them over and interrupting them and choosing something different and softening and creating radical acceptance, what you end up noticing is when you're triggered 10% less.
[00:23:01] When you're like, oh my God, a year ago that thing would've sent me outta my mind. It would've sent me spinning, and now you're like, Hey, I got this. I got my own back. So you can start to notice and celebrate as that is happening. Start to notice the places that are still more opportunities for you to sink in and create even more gentleness and care?
[00:23:25] Where are those triggers? And as we are exploring what it looks like to be truth tellers about our stressors, because some of those stressors are external and they're out of our control, but what we can do is make space for them. But if we're not acknowledging that they exist, then we are really doing ourselves a disservice.
[00:23:54] You know, we don't have to necessarily jump into fixing. Creating awareness and creating compassionate and loving awareness changes things on a neurobiological level. It really, really does. And then being able to explore, what in this can be different. What do I need to do to be different?
[00:24:15] How do I think about it? Are there conversations that we need to have? I mean, there's so many pieces in any scenario, and I don't know what your scenarios are. But being able to look at an external circumstance through this lens. And if you are familiar with the model, you know, the model helps break things down into the circumstance and your thoughts and feelings, sensations around it, actions and results.
[00:24:41] That's a way of creating curiosity and externalizing something so that you can start that self witnessing process or just in general doing it by asking yourself those questions, what am I noticing, when I notice this thought? What am I feeling in my body? Or even just being like what stressors am I not acknowledging? Okay. Can we just acknowledge it and acknowledge sometimes the helplessness that comes with not having control over everything?
[00:25:15] I don't know where the difficulty is for you. It's like everybody's got that place in their shoe that rubs, that feels not great and that's maybe different for everyone. So some people, their issues are about feeling helpless and control. Some people's frustrations are about like how we internalize and take things so personally. A lot of these issues are related to attachment and the learning that we got as children, but as we unpack triggers and how they're felt in the body and make room for recognizing the load of stressors.
[00:25:58] Then that awareness and that insight gives you the remedies oftentimes, which is like, Hey, I know when I'm going into new situations, I need a little bit of space. I need a little time to come down and move my body and shake off any, any of that kind of unseen, but held tension. And just getting to witness that and know that about myself without any shame, without any judgment, is just unbelievably powerful.
[00:26:32] So that's my offering today, which is to be honest with what is stressing you out. And take seriously if you're dismissing it or feeling intense, shame, that is the thing that is causing you the most distress.
[00:26:51] So those are my, suggestions and, I don't know if I always like to share, I mean, I share a lot of personal stuff in here, but like I will say that my CAT scan came back with the best possible news.
[00:27:04] So, now I am on less high alert and I'm feeling more spacious and more relaxed. I noticed that my mind and my body feel less tense. But I also need to be willing to be able to learn to cultivate those feelings, even if that was not the result of the test.
[00:27:26] Right. Which is not be like, oh, I got a good test so I can relax now. And, but if I have a bad test, I have to have all this tension and fear, I'm like, right, this is the place where I get to really play with that. But also celebrating, getting a good test. Would love that for everybody.
[00:27:45] And we don't always get to know, we don't get to control everything. Hmm. How many times can I say that in one podcast? We don't get to control everything. God, I feel like I'm just like pooping on somebody's birthday cake. So I'm sorry about that. It is true. I think. I don't know that believing that you control everything is useful.
[00:28:11] That's my belief system. I have so far not been able to control everything in the world or in my life, so, unless somebody shows me how, I just don't really see that as being possible. But controlling my relationship with myself, that's something that's maybe not even in my full control, but I can work on it.
[00:28:38] And so that is what this podcast is all about, inviting you into deeper, deeper love and self connection with yourself, noticing your triggers. Honoring them so that we can be in self connection as opposed to self conflict. And then starting to excavate what is it that needs care, what is it that needs tending and starting to practice and doing that work and offering that to ourselves.
[00:29:10] I appreciate your listening. That's what I wanted to offer this week. I've got a upcoming podcast with my friend and colleague, Amber Karnes, about having, empowered embodiment and doing wild for you activities. And I've got some other things coming up. Gonna have more conversations about weight stigma, neuroplastic symptoms in anticipation of the conference coming up.
[00:29:35] And I'm probably gonna start talking a little bit more about my book, but tying it into mind body work, obviously maybe I'll make another, uh, do I need to make another podcast that's gonna be like following me about the book? And do you wanna hear about redress? Maybe that will be a thing that I create.
[00:29:54] I don't really know. All right. So, wishing you well. I hope you have a magnificent rest of your day, and that listening to this podcast has helped you feel just a little bit more in self connection.
[00:30:13] If you are looking for a guide or a coach in your own mind body practice, please reach out. I am I only have a few spots for the rest of the year, but if you have been wanting to do this work with me, please reach out. Okay, bye.